Commentary
Some Qur'anic Instructions about Married Life
Verses 128-130 which begin with the words: وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا (And if a woman fears ill treatment or aversion from her husband ...) and end at وَاسِعًا حَكِيمًا (... All-Embracing, All-Wise) carry instructions about the painful and hard part of married life which is faced by every married couple during one or the other stage of their long association. This is mutual displeasure and tension which, if allowed to prevail without being checked through proper control, does not only result in severe problems for the couple in their married lives but also, at times, carries the evil effects to families and tribes involving them in all sorts of mutual confrontation and even fighting and killing. The Glorious Qur'an has come to introduce a system of family life for man and woman both, keeping in view the whole range of their feelings. This system when followed will definitely make a home a paradise. Love and harmony will replace whatever bitterness there may be in the family.
Just in case, inevitable circumstances bring the couple to the limit of separation, it would still be desirable to see that the parting of ways is done smoothly and painlessly. After that, when the relation-ship breaks, it is also necessary to watch that it leaves no emotional fallouts in the form of enmity, hostility, harm or hurt.
Out of these three verses, verse 128 is about circumstances under which relationship between a husband and wife becomes strained for reasons beyond their control. Both parties seem to be helpless in the matter. However, their mutual bitterness makes it likely that they will fail in fulfilling the rights they have on each other. For example, a husband does not have amorous feelings in his heart for his wife and she has no control over the means which could change his heart. She may be ugly or aged while the husband is handsome. Thus, it is obvious that the woman cannot be blamed in any way for what she is, nor can the man be censured for whatever he is.
Eventualities of this nature as part of the background in which the worse under reference was revealed, have been reported in Mazhari and elsewhere. Under such circumstances, as for men, the general rule given by the Holy Qur'an is: فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ (2:229) that is, 'retain in an honourable manner or part amicably'. It means that if the intention is to continue living with one's wife, then, it is necessary to live with her amicably, fulfilling all rights due to her in the recognized manner. For anyone who finds himself incapable of doing so, it is proper to release her from the bond of marriage in a decent way. Now, if the woman too is willing to be released, the situation is open and clear as the parting of ways will come about in a pleasant manner. But, should it be that the woman, under such conditions, is not willing to secure her release - whether in the interest of her children or because she has no other supporter - then, she is left with only one alternative: Get the husband to agree to some option.
For example, the woman may surrender all or some of her rights while the husband takes it to be reasonable enough as it unburdens him of many claims against him with the advantage of having a wife in bonus. May be this arrangement makes peace prevail between them.
That such a compromise could be expected has been pointed out in this verse of the Holy Qur'an by saying: وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحَّ (Avarice is made to be present in human souls). In such a compromise, the greed of the woman lies in her intense desire to protect the future of her children for she fears that her release from the husband will ruin it, or that her life elsewhere may come out to be more bitter. On the other side, the husband is tempted by what the woman does. He sees that she has forgiven her dower due on him fully or partly and that she has also stopped from claiming other rights as well. Why then, he may think, should it be at all difficult for him to get along with her? Thus, a mutual compromise would become easy.
Then, along with this, it was also said:وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا"And if a woman fears ill treatment or aversion from her husband, then, there is no sin upon them in entering into a compromise between them."Here, the expression فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا (…there is no sin upon them ...) has been used to cover the nature of the deal which, on the surface, appears to be a sort of bribe where the husband has been tempted with the forgiveness of dower and other claims and the bond of marital life has been kept intact. But, this (sagacious) statement of the Qur'an has made it clear that this is not included under bribery. Instead, it is included under expediency in the sense of a wise consideration under complex circumstances when the parties involved surrender their initial claims and agree to some moderated mean. This is permissible.
The Interference of Others in a marital Dispute
According to al-Tafsir al-Mazhari, the words used in the Holy Qur'an at this place are: أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا . It means that the husband and wife should enter into a compromise in between them. Here, the word بَيْنَهُمَا (between the two of them) suggests that it is better if no third person interferes in husband-wife matters - let the two of them come to mutual compromise on some basis. This is because the injection of a third person may, at times, make the very compromise impossible. Even if such a compromise is reached, the weaknesses of the couple get exposed before a third person unnecessarily, staying safe against which is expedient for both parties.
Towards the end of this verse (128), it was said:وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّـهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا"And if you do good and fear Allah, then, Allah is all-aware of what you do."In the background of options given earlier, the husband did have the legal choice of releasing his wife on the basis of emotional incompatibility which made it difficult for him to fulfill her rights. Then, according to the first sentence of this verse, it is also permissible to enter into a compromise with one's wife when she offers to surrender some of her claims. Now, the last of the verse cited here brings forth a third option. The meaning of what has been said is: 'But, if you keep the fear of Allah in your heart and elect to be gracefully benign in your conduct and carry on accommodatingly with the relationship despite your emotional incompatibility and keep fulfilling her rights as due, then, this excellent conduct of yours is before Allah, the result of which is obvious.
Almighty Allah will reward you for your forbearance and for the graces of your good deeds with blessings you can never imagine Perhaps, this is the reason why the text stops at; 'Allah is all-aware of what you do.' It does not spell out the return for the good deed. The hint thus given is that it will be far more than one can ever imagine.
A Summary of Comments made
When the husband, for some reason, feels emotionally estranged with his wife and realizes that his rights remain unfulfilled, he should try to correct matters which fall within the range of what the wife can do. Such effort of correction can temporarily be expressed in the form of coldness, hard advice and even soft disciplining under circumstances of extreme compulsion as it has already appeared in the early verses of Surah al-Nis-a'. If the husband loses hope in correction in spite of all his efforts, or there is something about it the correction of which is just not in the control of his wife, then comes the situation in which the law of Islam gives him the right to divorce and release his wife in a decent manner without any altercation. But, if he elects to go along with the relationship living under the same conditions while ignoring his rights and fulfilling hers in full, then, this conduct of his is highly meritorious and deserving of a great reward.
In contrast, if the case is the ether way around, that is, the husband does not fulfill the necessary rights of his wife for which reason the wife wishes to be released by him. Now, under this situation, if the husband is also willing to release her, the course is clear. The woman too has the right to react when the husband wishes to release her on the basis of non-fulfillment of his rights - she too has the right to opt for her freedom. In case, the husband is not ready to release her on his own, the wife has the right to reclaim her freedom through an Islamic court. But, if she braves through the cold and crooked ways of her husband with patience surrendering her claims to due rights, carries on living with him in a spirit of accommodation and keeps fulfilling his rights, then, this is highly meritorious for her and deserving of a great reward.
The Guideline in Essence
Thus, on the one hand, the Holy Qur'an gives to both parties the legal right to remove difficulties from their relationship and to receive their due right; while, on the other, by prompting both of them to demonstrate high morals and to be patient with the loss of their rights, the instruction given was that they should abstain from severing their relationship to the farthest limit of possibility. Both parties should bypass bits of their claims and come to a compromise on some mutually agreed formula.
Compromise: The Better Option
Initially, this verse simply mentions that compromise is permissible in the event of a husband-wife difference and towards the end of the verse, the parties have been prompted to carry on with the relationship in the best spirit of patience and forbearance in the event that such a compromise does not materialize. In between, there appears a sentence which proves the desirability of compromise as the favoured choice. It was said: وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ (The compromise is better). The nature of the sentence is fairly general as stated. It certainly includes husband-wife disputes in the present context. However, it also includes all other kinds of family differences as well as all mutual disputes, altercations and litigations that come up in worldly life. This is because the words of the Holy Qur'an are general - 'The compromise is better'.
Thus, the parties would fare better if they avoid being stubborn about the fulfillment of their demands in toto and elect to forgo some of these from each side and agree to a compromise on some middle ground. The Holy Prophet ﷺ has said:کُلُ صُلحِ جَایٔزُ بَینَ اَلمُسلین اِلَّا صُلحَاً اَحَلَّ حَرَامَاً اَو حَرَّمَ حَلَالاً ، والمُسلِمُونَ عَلٰی شُرُوطِھِم اِلَّا شَرطاً حَرَّمَ حَلَالاً"Every compromise is permissible between Muslims except a compromise in which something unlawful has been made lawful or something lawful has been made unlawful and Muslims must abide by accepted conditions except a condition in which something lawful has been made unlawful." (Narrated by M-Hakim from Kathir ibn ` Abdullah, Tafsir Mazhari)For example, it is not permissible to enter into a compromise with one's wife on the condition that the husband will also marry her sister because Islamic law prohibits combining two sisters in the bond of marriage. This is harem or unlawful.
Or, the husband may wish to compromise on the condition that he will not fulfill the rights of the other wife for this amounts to turning something lawful into something unlawful.
Since, in the hadith narration quoted above, every compromise has been declared as permissible in a general sense, Imam Abu Hanifah (رح) has deduced from this statement the ruling that all kinds of compromises are permissible. They may be with an avowal, for example, the defendant's confession that he owes $1, 000 as claimed by the plaintiff following which a compromise may be arrived at either by the surrender of a certain part of the total amount claimed by the plaintiff, or by his taking something in lieu of the claimed amount, or through a lack of avowal or disavowal by the defendant who may simply wish to reach a certain compromise no matter what the claim be in reality. Or, despite a disclaimer, the defendant may bring himself round to pay up some of the amount just to end the dispute and this very action may make the compromise possible. All these three kinds of compromise are permissible. However, in the eventuality of silence or denial, there does exist a difference among some jurists.
Finally, worth mentioning here is a problem which relates to the compromise between a married couple mentioned in this verse. If a woman makes a compromise by surrendering some of her rights, this compromise will totally eliminate the right of the woman the fulfill-ment of which stood incumbent on the husband at the time of the compromise. For example, the payment of the dower which was due to, to be paid by the husband before the compromise. So, when she makes a compromise by forgiving the whole or part of the dower, then, this dower or its part would stand devolved after which her right to claim it would lapse. But, the rights the fulfillment of which was just not obligatory on the husband at the time of the compromise - for example, the payment of expenses in the future or the right to privacy which would be applicable in the future - will not be, for all practical purposes, his responsibility to fulfill. If a compromise is reached on the basis of a surrender of these rights, the right of the woman to claim these does not devolve forever.
Instead, she can declare any time she so chooses that she is not willing to forgo the right in future. Under this situation, the husband will have the choice to release her. (Tafsir Mazhari etc.)In the last verse (130): وَإِن يَتَفَرَّقَا يُغْنِ اللَّـهُ كُلًّا مِّن سَعَتِهِ (And if they separate, Allah shall, through His capacity, make each of them need-free), both parties have been comforted in case all efforts to put things right between them come to naught and they have to separate. This should be no cause for concern. Allah Almighty will make each of them free from needing the other. The woman will get another home, and a source of support, and the man will find another woman. The power of Allah is extensive. There is no reason to lose hope. Let each one of the couple think of the life they had before getting married. They were two separate individuals who did not know each other as husband and wife. Almighty Allah made it possible for them to be united in marriage. The same thing can happen again.
By saying: وَكَانَ اللَّـهُ وَاسِعًا حَكِيمًا (And Allah is All-Embracing, All-Wise) at the close of the verse, it has been confirmed that the dimensions of Allah's capacity are most extensive and everything that issues forth from Him is based on wisdom. It is quite possible that the very separation may be the most expedient solution of the problem. The post-separation period may bless them with mates that make their lives good to live.
